


My Wings Are White, And So Is My Soul

by Raven15



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec has white wings, Angel Wings, Domestic Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, Hate to Love, Head of the Institute Alec Lightwood, High Warlock of Brooklyn Magnus Bane, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Bad At Tagging, Identity Reveal, Identity Switch, Insecure Alec Lightwood, Intimidating Magnus, M/M, Magnus hates shadowhunters, Sexual Tension, Slight warlock phobia, Slow Burn, Twins, Wingfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-08
Updated: 2017-10-02
Packaged: 2018-11-21 05:24:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11350764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raven15/pseuds/Raven15
Summary: Nephilim are the graceful creatures gifted with wings by the mighty angels and are supposed to be protectors of all. However, the Nephilim doesn't care about the downworld but after the Valentine war they decide to form an alliance. Meanwhile something disastrous happens to one of the most respected shadowhunter families, the Lightwoods. With the death of ONE of their eldest sons, Gabriel a born leader, their name and the leadership of the NY institute is in danger. They need to find a solution to protect everything they've worked for even if it requires the life, happiness and identity of their other child.Alec Lightwood never wanted any of this. They took his freedom away and left with no other choice Alec starts a new life as someone he hates. He's doing his best to fulfill the role they chose for him just as long as everyone is happy.But there is someone who thinks otherwise and can help Alec realise that however this certain, sparkly someone hates the person they forced Alec to become. Will Alec be able to show Magnus that he is not a bloody murderer?Secrets will be unraveled. Blood will stain. Wings will spread and angels will fly. Just like the forbidden love they were never meant to share





	1. I Feel Alive

**Author's Note:**

> Keep in mind that this work will alter a lot so it's not the same as the original Shadowhunters series or the books:)
> 
> Beta read and summarised by my awesome partner in crime and my own personal Magnus, [Sznups](http://archiveofourown.org/users/sznups/pseuds/sznups)

I lean my head down, seeing all the cars and the lights coming from all the buildings down in the streets. I take one step followed by another so I’m standing on the ledge several meters above the ground at the top of a huge building. It’s the highest building in New York and the view is amazing at night. In a weird way it feels like the world is speaking to you with its sounds and twinkling lights and stars. I slowly inhale the cool night air and turn around, my back against the world. I feel a breeze come at me and I welcome it tilting my head backwards letting it go past my neck, making me shiver.

 

I’m still able to register all the cars behind me and all the other indistinguishable sounds.They all kind of fade into the background as I exhale, diving into my thoughts as I try to take in the fact that my brother Gabriel is dead. It’s been all summer but I still haven’t been able to take in the fact that he’s gone and won’t come back because it sounds so unbelievable.

I sigh and grab my stele to make sure I’m glamoured.

 

Every memory of him flashes by, him telling me to practice with a sword instead of bows and arrows, him convincing me that I shouldn’t be afraid to swim and instead just let the water embrace me, him always doing reckless things with Jace and me always covering it up, so many memories run by me until there is none left. It’s time to let go.

 

I let out a shaky laugh and…simply....let... go.

 

I let myself fall and fall and fall. The sounds of all the vehicles below me come closer and closer. I shut my eyes slowly and embrace the air around me letting gravity take over, knocking the breath out of me. Jace and Izzy always says that riding Free Fall is amazing but this, this is different.

My hands are spread out wide as they are forced upwards. It feels so amazing not to be attached to anything, it’s just you and gravity together. You feel it, you feel how your organs flip as you rush towards your death. It’s startling but at the same time astounding at how fast your body is propelled to the ground and how quickly it all could be over in just a few seconds.

 

I open my eyelids and I see that the roof of the building I was standing on is moving further away and when I feel that I’m close, I extend my wings. I spread them wide, attempting to stop the fall and flip myself over so I’m face to face with the ground. I feel my body tug harshly at the inertia effect knocking the breath out of me even more and I love every second of it. I beat my wings once, tipping my body upwards and just when I’m about to collide with the street, my body lifts and I slide past the ground gracefully.

 

This is a move I taught myself when I was 13 and everyone in the family said it was dangerous and never wanted me to do it again. I’m the only one that can do that technique and it made me the family’s best flyer even though Jace will never admit it. Well, whatever.

 

I start flying past all the cars and buildings with a wide smile and I swing my body so I’m laying sideways and I see my reflection looking back at me through a glass building. I’m met with those annoying deep blue eyes that can be spotted from several metres away.

 

I wonder what a mundane would think seeing me like this. A boy with messy raven hair, wearing grey sweatpants, white tank top and a fluttering grey cardigan, flying with a pair of white wings with the length of his body height, barefoot in the middle of the night. What did Izzy call that boy the mundanes tell stories about? Peter Pun? I watch my smiling face, the dimples showing and can’t help but laugh at the thought.

 

I dip down, lift myself up again and flip myself around so it looks like I’m lying on air. I let my wings take care of not making me fall while I take in the night sky above me. So many stars. I stare at them as I try to find a pattern to those blinking glittery things.

 

I wonder if Gabriel is looking down at me right now from those stars. I smile at that and close my eyes while putting in my earbuds. Just when I press play I hear the end of the song I was listening to before and the lyrics is so accurate. I inhale the smell around me for the millionth time today as I listen to the whispering voice in the ending.

 

_-I’d like to make myself belieeeeve, that planet eaaarth turns, slooowlyy. It’s so hard to say that I’d rather stay awake when I’m asleep, because my dreams are bursting at the seams..._

 

I sigh heavily at the end of the song. I wish I could stay like this forever. Being me and no one else. _But I guess that’s going to change now._

 

A buzz in my pocket snaps me back to reality and I unplug the earphones quickly and almost drop them in the air. I check the ID caller. Izzy. I accept the call.

 

“Where are you? It’s in the middle of the night I was getting worried!” I pull the phone away from my ear slightly at her high pitched voice.

 

“I’m sorry Iz. I’m on my way.” I reply. There is a pause before she answers.

 

“You’re not flying right?” When she doesn’t get an answer she hisses: “ Alec!! You’re not pulling one of those dangerous stunts are you? You’re lucky mum and dad aren’t  home! Get over here!” I flinch when she calls my name. It’s been a long time since anyone did that.

 

“Big brother? Oh god did something happen to you? Did you finally crash face first into the ground?” Izzy continues when she doesn’t hear another reply.

 

I smile a little at that before answering.

“I’m fine Izzy, couldn’t sleep. I’m on my way.”

 

“..You know I love you right?” She asks suddenly and I release a shaky breath.

 

“I know Izzy and I love you too. Bye.” I end the call and plug in my earphones again as I begin to shift, diving down to the ground.

I slow down when I’m about to reach the stony concrete and tilt my body upwards so I’m in a standing position with my wings unfolded to their full length and slowly make myself to the ground. I bend my knees when my feet meet stone so I don’t tip over and land face first on the hard concrete.

 

It's so nice to walk freely with my wings spread out wide.If I do that at the institute people would only stare weirdly making me uncomfortable. But I can’t really blame them, my white wings are considered odd. Snow white and pitch black wings are rare in the shadow world and conveniently both me and my brother Gabriel each got a pair of those rare wings. He has... _.had_ jet black wings whereas I have snowwhite and even though-

 

“Meowww” I gasp and nearly jump out of my skin at the sudden sound. I curse myself for letting my guard down and I reach for my seraph blade only to notice that I don’t have it with me That and my bow and quiver. I quickly stand in a fighting stance ready for an attack as I search around for the enemy  but see none. I look up thinking maybe the attacker will approach me from above but I only see the night sky twinkling at me with its stars.

 

“Meowww” There is that sounds again and suddenly something rubs at my feet. I yelp, making me reflexively shoot up when I feel it at my legs which causes my wings to beat, lifting me in the air a little bit.

 

I glance down and see something...fluffy? I gently put myself down at the ground and crouch down in front of the animal.It’s..cute...the animal’s gray-green eyes are staring up at me looking rather annoyed although I don’t know why. As it begins to purr and rub at my feet again, I realise it wants attention. I lift my slightly trembling hand and slowly put it on top of this strange animal’s head. The thing purrs even more and I start stroking it. Eventually I find myself picking up the purring furball and as it curls up into me I start to rub it behind its ears.

 

“Meeeowww” I grin at the small creature and can’t resist but to rub my nose against its nose. Is it..is this a cat? I think so...I remember Hodge showing me a picture of them….

 

The cat starts shuddering and I don’t understand why at first but then I realise that the animal is feeling cold. By the Angel, it’s winter and it’s expected to start snowing soon, of course it's feeling cold! I look around helplessly, trying to spot something to cover this innocent animal with but I can’t find anything. Instead I take a deep breath, lift up my wings and swing them around me. I try to bring them as close to the cat as possible, forming a circle around our bodies and I do it slowly so I don’t scare the creature away.

 

I smile when the animal stops shaking a little and I continue to rub him at, what I think is, his sweet spots.

 

“Chairman? CHAIRMAN MEOW!!!” I jump hearing fast approaching footsteps and I automatically unfold my wings to look around for the sourse of the voice. The cat jumps out of my arms before I’m able to do anything. “CHAIRMAN!!”

 

I don’t know why but even though I’m glamoured I still panic and quickly search for an escape. I know I can just fly away but I don’t want to leave the cat alone like that and I don’t have the time to grab the small creature. The sound of footsteps are coming closer and I spot an opening that’s hidden between a wall. I hurry over there as I curl my wings inwards towards my body, and press myself against the bricks. I tilt my head to the side and start peeping from the wall at the cat that just stands there waggling his tail as if it’s waiting for his owner. What if the man approaching is his owner? Good thing I didn’t grab the cat and just vanish.

I sigh quietly. By the Angel, what am I doing? Why am I so concerned for a little cat? If mum saw me right now...

 

But what is a chairman meow?

 

I squint my eyes and see the outline of a really tall man emerge together with another man that’s a lot shorter, from behind the bushes but I can’t really see their faces in the dark.

 

“There you are you little rebel. Escaping from me Chairman?” The tall man says as he leans down to pick up his pet. That’s the cat’s name?! I hear the cat purr and see it lean into its owner earning a fond chuckle from the man. “You’re like a teenager!”

 

The other shorter man speaks up:

“You’ve found your stupid cat, can we leave now?” The person sounds rather grumpy like his girlfriend just broke up with him. Then there is silence and I see the tall man shift and slowly turn his head to where I am standing.

 

My eyes widen before I calm myself. He can’t see me, it’s impossible I’m glamoured. It may be an exception for cats but not for a mundane.

 

But just when the man turns to fully face me I see cat eyes flashing towards me and I turn around quickly, convincing myself that it must’ve been some sort of illusion. I feel my breath quicken by the second as I check if the glamour rune is still activated, which it is.

 

“What are you..?” The grumpy starts.

 

“Raphael leave.” The tall man says.

 

“You can’t just…” The grumpy-Raphael- tries but the other one cuts in again.

 

“Leave _now._ ”

 

Then there is silence again except for my breathing that feels like people all the way from Australia can hear. What is going on? I want to fly away but if this man can see me then what’s the point?

 

Suddenly I hear a swooshing sound and the next thing I know the wall in front of me is being crumbled by a giant orange magic ball. My eyes widen in surprise and I jump at the sudden sound. The dust that emerges from the abused wall hits me in the face and I struggle not to cough.

 

“Nephilim…” I hear the man hiss and my breath hitch. Warlock.

 

I know I’m supposed to be a shadowhunter but warlocks are something I’ve always feared. Ever since I was 7 years old and snuck out of my room (even though mum and dad said I had to stay put) and I went into the main hall and saw my parents and another shadowhunter trying to fight off a warlock. It ended up with the other shadowhunter being captured in the warlock’s arms and slowly, deeply and sharply got his throat slit in front of us before the warlock threw away my parents into the nearest wall and disappeared into a portal. That sight has never been erased from my memory even though I kill demons for a living and stuff like that but the look of absolute, pure fear that the shadowhunter had and the joy the warlock showed was just...ever since I avoided any mission that had to do with warlocks.

 

I uselessly glance around panicking because there is no way to go. If I fly he’ll strike me down, I’m not prepared to go one on one with a warlock (apparently a strong one at that) and the only thing that’s separating us is a stupid brick wall. I clench my eyes shut and reflexively squeeze my wings together even more. I dig my fingers into the palm of hands commanding myself to stay cool and press my back harder against the brick.

 

Again there is a sudden sound and my eyes spring open as I watch another magic ball hit a second wall in front of me. I gulp as I start trembling, curling myself even further into the corner of the wall. Truth be told, ever since I was young, magic has fascinated me. It’s so beautiful with its different manifestations and the magic itself is not the thing that scares me. It’s the one who’s wielding it that does.

 

“Stupid nephilim. Thinking you can hide from _me_.” The warlock snarls. I try to inhale and exhale evenly as I hear footsteps coming closer and it feels like each of his steps is an echo in my head. I stand there totally helpless cursing myself silently for not bringing any weapons. But I don’t get it. We made peace with the warlocks. Right? Right?! Or..okay the peace treaty is not official until next week but would this warlock really risk it?

 

Then I feel him right on the other side of the wall, the only thing that’s between our bodies now are literally just the thin bricks that is behind my back. If the wall wasn't there we would be standing back pressed against each other.

 

“Not so cocky now, are you, shadowhunter?” I form my hands into fists digging my nails further into my skin, still clenching my eyes, mouth open trying to breath like a normal human being. Or a normal half human being.

 

But then out of nowhere I hear a chuckle and the warlock suddenly mocks.”You shadowhunters really are easy to toy with. Leave. Fly away nephilim.”

 

I uncurl my hands at the same time as I unfold my eyes. All this, was him _toying_ with me? I keep on standing there dumbstruck, my brain still trying to take in the fact that there is a warlock only a layer away from me.

 

“Well? Are you just going to stand there all night long or are you actually going to flap those wings of yours little nephilim?” The warlock teases and I step out shakily to clear way for my wings. My back still turned against him I quickly crouch down, pushing my feet upwards, my wings spreading out like before and I hurriedly start to fly back to the institute.

 

I recall hearing an “Interesting” coming from the warlock when I stepped out, showing off my white wings but I’m too busy processing the fact that I’ve just been close to warlock magic for the first time in 10 years and my heart won’t calm down no matter what I do.

 

* * *

 

_2 nights later._

 

“Chin up Alec.”

 

I obey sighing.

“You know you’re not suppose to call me that, Izzy.”

 

I don’t get a response as Izzy tries to smooth out my clothes.

 

“Iz, this will never work! People are blind if they don’t see through this! I know we’re same in appearance but I can never _be_ him!” I exclaim defeated and Izzy twirls me around making me face her.

 

“You can do this, okay? You’re strong and you’re smart. You can. Do. This. I have every faith in you brother.”

 

I sigh again. There is no use having this debate as I know I’ll lose it. I glance at my reflection and take in my reflection. So similar but yet so different. I really don’t think I’ll be able to do this but I have to force myself to manage. All for the Lightwood name..

 

I can still remember it like it was yesterday. The day after my brother Gabriel committed suicide. Mum and Dad got so devastated over the loss of the only child that made them proud. Gabriel was tall, strong, confident and a leader. He was at the top, slaying every demon and everyone respected him. He was even better than Jace. He was popular as hell, but he wasn’t a good _person_. Maybe it’s kinda wrong of me to say that about my  brother but everyone knew he was an absolute asshole. He drank and did drugs with some mundanes, slept with a lot of women and in general, he was a dick. A very skilled dick.

 

He took up the lightwood name all the way to the top and it’s one of the clave’s most respected families now but disaster hit when mum walked into Gabriel’s room before summer and saw that he had slit his wrists. Suicide is considered unhonorable and a decision ruled by cowardness over not being able to face your problems and instead choosing the easiest way out of this life. People who commit suicide are looked down upon and since Gabriel was mainly the reason this family is well-known now, him being the one committing suicide will ruin everything. My parents couldn’t have that. Especially my father.

 

That’s why they turned to me.

 

Me and Gabriel are twins. We look the same but our personalities differ. However, mum and dad don’t care. People don’t see me that often because I usually stick in my room whenever I don’t have a mission and because nobody really cares to look my way when there is the hot Izzy, the fearless golden Jace and the legendary Gabriel who is also supposed to become the next head of the institute. He was a true born leader.

 

So that’s Gabriel. Tall with hazel eyes, brown hair and future head of an institute

Me? I have never dated anyone, certainly not as good with a sword, can barely have a normal conversation with people if it's not about business, never drunk not to mention taken drugs..should I continue?

 

“Open your eyes for me” Izzy orders snapping me out of my thoughts. I open them wide as she starts putting in contact lenses.

 

You see, my parents plan isn’t without flaws. Well, except that our personalities are polar opposites,we aren’t _exactly_ alike. Some stuff in the appearance differ. It’s the eyes, height, hair and most importantly the wings. I have blue eyes not hazel and Gabriel is a bit taller. My hair is also a little darker but we can fix that, but the wings...they are a problem. It’s like we were made to be similar but opposite. His are black. Mine are white.

 

Izzy carefully covers my blue eyes and we agreed that I tell whoever that asks I dyed my hair black.

 

“Izzy what about the height difference?!”

 

“Alec relax we’ll put a glamour on... or something.”

 

I shake my head. There is just no way this is going to work. They’ll never believe that I’m Gabriel. Gabriel was unique. Legendary. Me? I’m an ordinary shadowhunter. Sure, I'm one of the best but not _the_ best.

Although he was an ass towards everybody but to me, he was always so kind. We used to train together and he taught me a lot of tricks. But not all of them and even if he tried to make me and the sword click, it always ended up with me acing archery.

 

Suddenly I feel the familiar tingling running throughout my spine. I can sense how the feathers are fluttering on my back, commanding me to break them free. I hiss in pain, body buckling as I try to push them back.

 

“Alec? How long has it been since you released your wings?”

 

I inhale and exhale slowly trying to order my wings to stay put.

“Two nights ago..” I gasp, remembering the warlock and I involuntarily shiver. Meanwhile Izzy looks me dead in the eyes.

 

“Two nights ago? You mean when you came back after that reckless flight? You know you need to release them at least once a day! I know you want to conceal them but it’s not good for your wings to be hidden like that.”

 

“I know Izzy but mum has been training me to keep them in as long as possible and I’m getting better!”

 

“Yeah I can see that!” She shoots sarcastically.”Alec let them free.”

 

She doesn’t need to tell me twice as I relax and release my wings. I almost moan in relief at the feeling of having them sprung out knocking over several things in the room. I feel their weight but at the same time it feels like I’ve become so much lighter. I catch Izzy watching them and I almost shy them away behind my back although they would be visible anyway.

 

“Such a shame that you have to hide them. They are truly beautiful…enchanting” She exclaims longingly.

 

“Gabriel’s were also unique” I remind her, remembering how much he liked to flail around with his wings for everybody to see whereas I despised the fact that I got white wings. I know it’s a gift from the angel but I hate that I attract so much attention to myself.

 

But it’s part of the reason why I have to hide my wings because _everyone_ knows Gabriel has black wings and wings can’t change color.

 

“Gabriel...sure his wings were unique. But they also represented him. Dark like his soul.“ Then she looks up at the ceiling. “ Sorry Gabriel if you’re hearing this but you know it’s true.” She says and I stifle my laughter. “ Yours though? Truly beautiful especially with your blue eyes and raven hair. It’s a legendary combination!”

 

I duck my head embarrassed.

“Izzy please stop..”

 

“Why? Why do you hate taking compliments?” Because I know none of it is true.

 

Gabriel was handsome. I know we’re twins and everything but my blue eyes and raven hair is such a bad combo that messes with everything. If I stood next to Gabriel he’d seem so much more flawless. How should I explain this? You know when you copy something out from the computer but then there is something wrong with the copy machine and all you get is the image that you wanted but like, in bits and blurs? Well that’s me. It's like someone tried to duplicate Gabriel into me and I don’t know but I guess something went wrong along the way. Between me and him I’m just a bad copy and that’s why I have no idea how mum and dad and Izzy, and even Jace think when they say I’ll manage to be him.

 

“I-I just don’t like it Iz..”I reply and she smiles sadly.

 

“You’re so beautiful I hate that you can’t see that and I hate that you have to pretend to be someone you aren’t.”  

 

We hear a knock on the door and I quickly start pulling in my protesting wings at the same time as the door is flung open and mom enters.

 

“Ready Ale..Gabriel?” She asks and I clear my throat still not used to the name. I nod carefully and she steps closer.

 

“Wow, you really are twins..those contact lenses really did the job, didn’t they?”

 

Yeah, because they hid the ugliest part of my face.

 

She cups my cheeks with her hands and smiles brightly. “You’re gonna make me proud just like your brother. You’re him now. You’re not gonna disappoint me, Alec.” I wince as she calls my real name. Will I ever hear anyone call me that again?

At that, Mum leaves and Izzy sits down on my bed.

 

“Ready to go, brother? This is your last moment of freedom. Idris is waiting”

 

I inhale sharply as I realise that she is right. Once I’m there Alexander Gideon Lightwood will disappear and only Gabriel Lightwood will be left. Alec will be completely forgotten by everyone. Non existent. And I wonder...if everyone forgets me….how long until I forget myself?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any mistakes, I hope you enjoyed the first chapter!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update, I had some problems.  
> For those of you who read the first chapter when it was first released, I changed the name of Alec's twin brother because my friend told me that people might misunderstand, sorry for that.  
> Oh and:  
> APV= Alec's Point of View  
> MPV= Magnus's Point of View
> 
> Beta-read by the lovely [Sznups](http://archiveofourown.org/users/sznups/pseuds/sznups)

**APV**

I touch the dirty glass window, trying to see through it by blowing the dust away from the flat surface. There, on a pillar outside in the snow an owl is sitting with its wings comfortably tucked away. Owls are one of my favorite animals because they’re soft, not too noisy and very quiet. It’s like they’re silently observing everything that’s happening around them without saying a word unless needing to. The owl in front of me is plain white, not as white as my wings but it’s white.

 

A smile touches my lips when I remember how I used to run out when I was younger whenever I saw an owl and start chasing it.It was one of those rare moments of secret happiness that no one knew about except for me and the owls of course. There were a lot of times where they started to attack me but I never gave up on making my peace with them and eventually I did with a snow white owl.We flew together wordlessly and it never acted predatorily, maybe because we both had the same wing color,  like a secret agreement of solidarity between two white winged creatures. It was the first time I ever saw someone have the same wing color as me and it was also the first time I ever felt proud of my wings.

 

In the distance I hear mum talking with Izzy and Jace while I still observe the owl from the window of her office room, not paying attention.

 

“This meeting will be important and will unfortunately decide our future with the downworlders and I want you to be respectful. Gabriel? Gabriel?...”

 

The owl turns its head slowly, sensing it’s being watched over and it reminds me of the way that warlock moved when he was about to face me. I get a sick feeling in my stomach just thinking about it and I swallow hard trying to forget it.

 

“Gabriel! Gabriel?!....ALEC!” 

I jump startled by my mum’s voice and turn around to face her. I frown at her. Why was she screaming my name?

 

She looks back at me with anger and strides forward with determined steps, her shoes making echoing sounds in the room. She stops a mere inch away from me  and I don’t flinch, instead I stay still at my place, hands clasped behind my back and look her in the eye like a soldier.

 

“You better get used to that name. Alec Lightwood is gone. You’re Gabriel now. Do you understand me?” She hisses, eyes wide. Although she sounds so angry and she is giving me the look of death, I can still notice a hint of fear in the way she looks at me. She is scared and desperate. Desperate for her plan to work. 

 

I straighten my back and nod, still holding my poker face. “Of course mother. I apologise.”

 

“Don’t apologise. Gabriel never apologises.” She turns on her heels and goes back to standing behind her desk.” You’ll be leaving for Idris today. Jace you’re portalling like the rest of us. Gabriel and Izzy, you’ll be flying there.”

 

Izzy immediately reacts, gaping at her mother. “What?! Idris is so far away why are we flying?! Ale-Gabriel say something!” She looks at me with pleading eyes and I look at mum posing the question with my eyes.

 

Mum doesn’t even flinch and looks at me and answers with stealth in her voice. “Because you’re going to be spending a lot of time there and I don’t want your wings to spring out. That’s why I want you to use them as much as possible before you go there.” Then she looks straight ahead without meeting anyone’s eyes. “ Dismissed.”

 

I’m the first one that walks out of there and as soon as I reach the door I feel someone grab my arm and pull me out. I glance up and see Jace dragging me to a corner. He stops and I raise my eyebrows.

 

“What do you want?” I ask.

 

“Are you okay?” He asks blankly.

 

I shrug. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

 

Jace rolls his eyes and crosses his arms.”Maybe because you’re pretending to be your dead twin. Who was a complete asshole by the way.”

 

I roll my eyes at him and I let a smile play on my lips. “ That’s something coming from you.”

 

Jace smirks. “Well yeah but he took the word asshole to a whole other level. That dude had no chill, no offence.” 

 

I lean back against the wall behind me and also cross my arms. “None taken.”

 

Jace drags his mouth and looks me dead in the eye and whispers: “Look, Alec, no matter what you’re still my parabatai and I can feel you suffering.” He lowers his voice when he says my name and I look around to see if someone heard.” What happened two nights ago?”

 

I swallow and inhale slowly. I make sure my face shows no emotions when I ask:” What do you mean ‘What happened two nights ago?’ nothing happened.”

 

Jace raises one of his eyebrows. “I felt like you thought you were on the verge of dying. I couldn’t sleep out of worry and I was just about to go out looking for you when you came back home.”

 

I can’t help but smile at my parabatai. He makes himself seem like he doesn’t care but I know that deep down, he does. “Oh..who would’ve thought? Jace Herondale has feelings. You better watch out or people might actually start thinking you have a heart and we wouldn’t want that don’t we?”

 

I earn a punch to the gut and I double over coughing at the force of his iron fist. I look up to see him smirking. “You should be happy I’m in a good mood because I’m meeting my girlfriend soon otherwise I would’ve kicked your ass right here and now.”

 

Clary Fray. Or Fairchild. Angel knows. That girl barged into our peaceful lives a couple of months ago with a christmas bag full of disasters. First she wanted us to help her find her kidnapped mother, then we realised she knows where the mortal cup is but she can’t remember because a warlock took away her memories. Izzy, Jace and her went to the warlock and tried to clear things up. Later we found out she is Valentine’s daughter and that Jace is her brother. Then it turns out Jace wasn’t her brother and instead some other blond guy named Sebastian was and he managed to fool the entire institute. War came between Valentine and us and that in turn made us work together with the downworld to bring Valentine down. Sebastian however, is still missing.

 

We never really got along with the downworld and we always looked down upon them and we still do. I don’t really care and I just stay neutral and follow Clave orders. Gabriel despised the downworld just as much as he despised Clary. A lot. But after the Valentine War we issued a meeting about an alliance with the downworlders and that’s the one we’re having tonight. 

So...I don’t know if I should be thanking Clary for making this alliance happen or if I should be hating on her because she started the war in the first place…

 

Anyway after rudely dumping her best friend she got together with Jace and now they haven’t seen each other for the whole summer because she has been in Idris with her mum. So that’s Clary Fray. Or Fairchild. Or Morgenstern. I honestly don’t know anymore.

 

I smile playfully. “Like that’s ever gonna happen.” Then I clear my throat. “Does Clary know?”

 

Jace sighs and looks up at the ceiling looking defeated.

“About you? By the Angel, I wanna tell her but I made that stupid vow to Maryse.”

 

I want to roll my eyes. If Clary knew she wouldn’t be able to keep her mouth shut so for the first time I’m actually grateful for the promise we made. Mum and dad wanted to desperately make sure that none of us would open our mouth so they made a big deal out of it and made us do blood vows. So the secret will never be found out unless someone figures it out which is very unlikely. 

 

Jace sighs again and turns to me, patting my arm. “Well gotta go buddy, Idris is waiting. Good luck on the flying trip, don’t get too exhausted.”

 

I nod and turn to find Izzy. I see her in the briefing room speaking on the phone and I approach her. When I get close enough I manage to catch some of her conversation.

 

“So you’ll be there.” She asks smiling. “I’ll see you there then. I’ll come a bit later though, I’m flying there with my brother” At that my blood freeze and I clench my fists hard. 

 

“Who was that?” I ask when she hangs up. The previous smile on her face vanishes and she looks down for a second before she meets my eyes with sincerity.

 

“Raphael Santiago”

I slowly inhale before I exhale calmly.

“The vampire who got you hooked on the yin fen.”

 

“How many times do I have to tell you that it was Aldertree. I got wounded in an attack and he gave me the yin fen to heal faster.  _ I _ came to Raphael.”

 

“I don’t care. He’s been a vampire long enough to know that he should’ve stopped you. Instead he used you to feed and get high. What would’ve happened if that Lily vampire hadn’t told me about you and him? You would’ve still been hooked, getting high all the time. Don’t you know? Yin fen can..It could’ve killed you.” I hiss and Izzy flinches.

 

“It’s over now. I know I did a mistake and so does Raphael. He’s a good man and now we’re only friends.”

 

“I’m not gonna allow you to see him Izzy, he’s dangerous.”

 

Izzy sighs and crosses her arms. “I’ve already seen him plenty of times before summer. I love you, but you can’t forbid me from meeting him.”

 

I bite my lip and I’m about to open my mouth when mum’s voice cuts in. “ You two. Sun’s setting, it’s almost nightfall. Start get going.”

 

We nod and I give Izzy the look that says ‘This is not over’ before we start heading outside but I know that there is no use. She won’t oblige and she will meet that pesky vampire again. I still can’t erase the picture of him biting Isabelle from my head. The way he was leaning over her looking like he was in heaven and the way she was moaning like she was drowning in a puddle of pleasure. When I saw that, I snapped and punched him in the face. Angel, I would’ve killed him on sight if Jace hadn’t come after me and ripped me away from him together with Raphael’s right hand, Lily. I dragged Izzy away and I was faced with the shock that she didn’t want to leave. She wanted to be with him and if I wanted to kill him before, then when she said that I wanted to choke him to death over what he had done to my sister. 

 

She was lost until she came to her senses just before the Valentine War. I had to fight side by side with him but there was nothing I could do about it. Now, in some weird way, they’ve gotten closer to friends and I don’t like it. But now I can’t confront of him because Gabriel didn't know anything about the whole Izzy and Raphael thing which means I can’t do anything towards Raphael without risking my identity but if he touches Izzy one more time, I don’t give a fuck. He’s dead.

 

“No one’s looking, lets do this” She says and unfolds her wings. I watch as deep wine red wings unfolds themselves around her, creating a fascinating reflection in contrast to the fading sunset behind her. I watch her gracefully caress one wing with a small smile on her lips. When people look at her wings, they do it with amazement and jealousy just like with Jace’s. His are golden but not the ugly kind of gold. It’s a very light shade but once the sun lands on his wings, they spark an almost blinding kind of gold.

 

When people look at my wings, they do so with prejudiceness. Why? Well, because the demons we now call the princes of hell were once angels before they fell from heaven and into hell, all of them which had white or black wings. Angels still have white or black wings, yet people consider it a curse or a mark of evil when a shadowhunter is born with those wing colors.

 

“Hey, is something wrong?” She asks and snaps me out of my thoughts. I blink and shake my head. I take another look around just in case and unfold my own giant wings. We both simultaneously bend our knees and push up into the air. As always the rush can cure me from any kind of anger and a sound of contentment escapes me. In the corner of my eye I see Izzy smiling at me sadly. 

 

I sigh. I don't want anyone's pity. I dig my hand into my pocket and plug my earphones into my ears. I grab my phone and press play, increasing the volume

 

We both fly nonstop, hands in the air in front of us towards Idris and my mind can’t help but wander to what’s about to happen. An alliance with the downworld. I’ll have to pretend to hate the idea if I’m gonna play my twin’s character but honestly, I’ve never associated with any downworlder but the Clave always taught me that they should be looked down upon. They said that we’re superior and I can’t help but wonder how it came to that. What happened that made shadowhunters think that the downworld is below them and what made the downworld think that they’re above the shadowhunters?

 

There is always been this constant battle of power that no one can seem to win. Personally, I don’t have a problem with the downworld, some of them scare me, like warlocks but others I don’t have a problem with, like werewolfs. But some I really do question, like vampires and other downworlders that can’t control themselves but I don’t hate them. But honestly, I’m glad we’re making an alliance because it’s getting tiring, unnecessary and quite ridiculous to keep on fighting with each other only to prove who is more superior. Of course, if someone heard me say that I would be punished severely because even though we're making this alliance, I know shadowhunters will never stop hating downworlders and for sure, downworlders will never stop despising the children of the angel. But at least we're not gonna go to war with each other. 

 

When we land it’s in the middle of the night  and we do it quietly outside the entrance. I can barely see a thing when I pull my wings in, making them disappear inside me quickly as Izzy opens the double door. Every door here is made so we can walk through with outstretched wings without any problem. Before she does it though, she looks back at me insecurely and I nod, trying to give her a confident look which is something I'm so not feeling right now. When she opens the door, I straighten my back, put on a cocky appearance and walk in. I can do this. Not that hard, he is my twin after all. 

 

We’re met by well..Jace’s grandmother, the inquisitor Imogen Herondale. 

“The meeting has been pushed to an earlier time. It’s in one hour, make sure to be there.” Then she regards both of us and a sad look clouds her face before it’s immediately gone. “I apologise for your loss.” She says and walks away. 

 

Me and Izzy share a look. Does she know about Gabriel? What the hell.

 

“Inquisitor!” Izzy calls and Imogen stops turning to us once again. “You..you know? About the death of my brother”

 

Imogen scowls at us. “But of course, everyone knows. He died an honorable death fighting in the Valentine war.”

 

We both raise our eyebrows. Wait, did mum and dad lie, saying that he died in the war. But wait, what am I doing pretending to be him then?

 

“Gabriel I'm sorry about the loss of your twin.” She says looking at me and I give her a confused look. A sudden fear shoots through me and I open my mouth even if I don't know if I wanna know the answer.

 

“Who..who died?” 

 

She raises an eyebrow and squints at me. “Are you feeling okay? I’m talking about your twin. Alec Lightwood. He died.” I freeze and my stomach clenches around itself. My eyes widen and I stare down at the floor. My throat feels like something is caught in it and my entire being is vibrating in multiple feelings that won’t calm down. 

 

“I can’t believe they would do that...Oh no…” I hear Izzy whisper and when I look with my blurry vision, Imogen is gone. “Brother?  Are you alright?” I quickly blink away the water that was forming in my eyes and look at her.

 

“I’m perfectly fine.” I say more to myself than to Izzy while I try to command myself to actually be fine. I swallow and continue. “What did you expect Izzy? That I’m going to pretend to be him just like that? You thought they were going to say that I went off on a vacation?

 

Izzy presses her lips tightly together and I can see them trembling.”By the angel..” She mutters and clenches her fists. She starts walking really fast and I get a bad feeling and follow her, the lump still in my throat.

 

“Izzy what are doing? Where are you going?”

 

“I’m going to have a little chat with our dear mother and end this.”

 

Before I’m able to stop her we spot Maryse standing, talking to someone and Izzy calls on her. Maryse sees the look on her daughter's face and quickly approaches us. She opens up a door that leads to an office.

“Izzy. What on earth are you-”

 

“You told people that Alec is dead?! How could you do that to your own son mother?!” Izzy practically screams.

 

“By the angel, Izzy..” Mum quickly goes to the door and draws a rune on it that’ll keep eavesdroppers away. “Yes. Yes I did. What do you expect me to say about Alec’s absence?” She hisses and Izzy takes one step forward so she’s standing eye to eye with her mother.

 

“How could you. How could you kill Alec just so that Gabriel can “live”? What has Alec ever done to you? Why couldn’t you just have let him take over the institute as Alec?”

 

“Because then we would have to say that Gabriel committed suicide and you know very well Isabelle, what the Clave thinks about that matter.”

 

“And why, just why couldn’t you have done the same thing as you did now? Why couldn’t you just say that Gabriel died in the Valentine war? What’s the problem with that?”

 

Maryse breaths in and out trying to calm herself before she puts on a fake smile. “The problem with that Izzy is that now with the alliance approaching we need to be strong and as one of the most respected shadowhunter families (thanks to Gabriel), we need to be up on our game and not give the enemy reason to think that the clave is weakening because the strongest one of their shadowhunters died in the war because he couldn’t defend himself against Valentine when a lot of the downworlders could. Besides we don’t have the time to take upon Alec’s sudden leadership and fold him into one. People need to trust him, believe that he’s a good leader.  _ Want  _ him to be one. Just like Gabriel. And we don’t have the time to do that now that we have the downworlders to deal with and that’s the end of this conversation Isabelle.”

 

Izzy is about to open her mouth again and by the looks of it she has a snarky response,when Maryse cuts in and glances my way. “What do you think? Do you have any problem with this?”

 

Wow they’re finally talking to me like I’m actually standing right next to them. I fold my hands behind my back.

 

“No.” I answer simply and Izzy gapes at me. Maryse looks pleased.

 

“You see Isabelle? He knows his duty and that family comes first above all else. He understands what he has to do to make us strong.”

 

Izzy’s eyes blazes and she steps impossibly closer to our mother. “I don't know what you just rambled on about but you're pathetic. Nothing and I mean nothing, will change the fact that you killed your son, your well raised son, just to keep the other one alive because you're afraid to tarnish the family name and people will look down on  _ you. _ Wanna know what I think? Alec would’ve become a better leader than Gabriel ever would’ve become. He was born for this too so you and your stupid family name can shove any sorry excuse up your ass!” And with that Izzy turns and exits the room, leaving me and mum totally shocked. Yes, mum and Izzy have had their moments but never like this and my heart aches for Izzy trying to stand up for me although it’s pointless, Mum is right. We have to stay strong and not leave any openings. This is necessary and I understand what I have to do even if Izzy is too young to see that. 

 

“40 minutes until the meeting. Be there and don’t forget who you are. Dismissed.” She says with a poker face and I nod and leave. 

 

When I’m outside I’m met with Jace and Izzy. Jace looks like he’s on the verge of killing someone and I can feel his anger through our bond. He walks up to me with intensity.

“What the hell man? How the fuck can you be okay with what’s happening?! They killed you! Now I have to pretend that my parabatai is dead in front of everyone?!” I put a hand up to calm him down although I know he’s right. This is not fair towards Jace. I was foolish to think that this would only affect me and if I knew that they would do this to me and that it would affect Jace like this, I would’ve refused. But I was stupid. Stupid not to think that they planned this all along.

 

“Jace. I’m very sorry..if I had known...but there is nothing we can do about it now. Now we'll only make it worse and with the vows-”

 

“Wait..so you  _ do  _ think all of this is a big fat ridiculous mistake?” Izzy asks looking at me wide eyed.

 

I sigh and tell the truth. “I understand what I'm doing. My duty is to my family and to the Clave. However..if I had known that this would affect you in this way, especially you Jace, I would’ve refused.”

 

Jace steps closer to me, confusion written across his face. “So you wouldn’t have thought that this is a mistake unless we had to take the consequences as well. Don’t you...Don’t you care about yourself?”

 

I meet Jace’s eyes dead on. “I’m a soldier for the Clave and your big brother. I have to take responsibility and stay strong for both. I’m not important when you guys are in the picture.”

 

“By the angel what is this nonsense?!” Jace snaps and then turns on his heels and starts walking. “Great. Now I have to tell my girlfriend that my parabatai is dead before she hears it from someone else!” He exclaims and kicks the air. I look around and realise I’ve forgotten that we’re standing in the middle of a corridor where anyone could hear us. Thankfully no one is in sight and I feel a tap on my arm.

 

“Why are you like this? Who made you like this? You’re such a repressed soul.” She sighs. “ Someday I hope someone will come along that’ll love your heart and soul and show you how valuable your life is.” She says with the saddest look I’ve ever seen on her. “Dad told me to tell you that your room is on the second floor to the right. The same one you used before.” She leans up on her toes and kisses my cheek before she too, turns and leaves. 

 

I bite my lip hard and slowly walk to where my room is. I step inside and once I shut the door I absentmindedly draw a soundproofing rune on the door. Then I can’t control my breathing anymore and I fall to my knees. I slowly curl my hands into my hair and clench them tightly messing up the already messed up raven hair. It hurts but it doesn’t hurt as much as the pain in my chest. I hold back the tears as much as I can. I haven’t let myself cry in ages. Last time was when Gabriel died, I allowed a few tears to fall but before that, I had never let myself get weak. I’ve been taught that crying makes you weak, showing emotions makes you weak, by the angel, everything makes you weak! But I’m so so close now.

 

_ “I’m talking about your twin. Alec Lightwood. He died.” _

_ “Alec Lightwood. He died.” _

_ “He died.” _

_ “He died.” _

_ “Died.” _

_ “Died.” _

The words echoes in my head and I try to shake them away frantically, gripping my hair until I scream. I scream and scream at least three times but I don’t let a tear fall. It wants to fall, it wants to break free and lash out at the entire world and be heard. But I won’t let it. In the end I fall onto the bed and try to calm down. 

 

Who am I? Who am I supposed to be? Who was I? Will I spend my entire future hurting the people I need to protect and love, while being someone else? 

 

I shake my head and curse myself. I can’t think these thoughts. What I did was the right thing to do to protect this family, the only thing I regret is that Izzy and Jace also have to live with it. 

 

I sigh standing up and wash my face. Then I leave the room and head to the training center to fight off some steam. On the way I see a lot of shadowhunters giving me a look of respect, nodding towards me and then resuming to talk about the alliance. Not a lot of people agree with it but many say that it’s best thing to do after such a big war with Valentine, we’ve weakened and need sometime to recover and therefore it would be best if we didn’t get involved in any downworlder conflicts or wars especially when Sebastian is still out there. 

I try not to roll my eyes at the way they’re speaking and only focus on getting to the training room. Once I’m there I see another person boxing a punching bag. It takes a few seconds until I recognise him. Raj. 

 

That guy literally fucking hates me. Not Gabriel but  _ me _ so I’m surprised when he turns around and looks a bit scared before he fixes his posture and nods towards me. Oh yeah..he worshipped Gabriel. Wow do I really look that much like him that I can even fool Raj? Raj, the guy that always challenges me into fights, the guy who avoids being on missions with me no matter what, the guy who lives to embarrass and make everyone look down on me. But every time he failed and every time he just hated me more and more. 

You’d think you’d know the face of your enemy Raj...although to be honest, I never had a problem with him and I still don’t. He’s very weird but well..at least now I know that this is working.So maybe I can just let myself have some fun…

 

“Raj. Your posture is terrible, your punches are too weak and that bag isn't even that heavy. Fix yourself.” I say in that shit-you’re-so-ridiculous-and-I’m-so-bored-and-annoyed tone Gabriel always uses. I never used to say stuff like that to him no matter what he does because it’s not me and I feel awful about it. I feel so disgusted with myself for having to insult Raj like this but I can’t help but feel a little sense of revenge when Raj swallows and turns a bit pink, nodding.

 

“Can..Can you teach me?” 

 

I freeze at that. Shit. What would Gabriel do? My brains starts working quickly to come to a conclusion. Okay, so no Gabriel wouldn't help anyone because he's not kind whatsoever...but at the same time he always wants to show off his strength every time he gets the chance. I take a deep breath and walk up to Raj.

 

“Listen you can’t stand like that, you’ll trip.” I show him what to do with his feet before I move on to his hands. “ You're leaving too many openings to your face, you have to lift up your arms a little and this hand should cover this area..” I stand behind him and I bite my lip. It's the first time I stand this close to a guy who is not my sibling and in a situation that doesn't involve fighting. I shake my head wanting to punch myself. I can't think thoughts like this, I locked them away a long time ago and I'm never planning on turning the key to open them.

 

“Now, when you punch the bag you gotta think about something. When you swing, you put a lot of power in it from the start. Your arm should be just a little bit slack but not too slack and when you’re approximately half way,  _ then  _ you put strength in it and you’ll hit the bag much harder because you haven’t wasted as much energy and strength by just swinging your arm in the air. Try it”

 

He does and first he does it wrong again but then he adjusts and the result is much better.

 

“Wow thanks, you’re right” Raj says looking at the punching back.

 

“Tell me something I don’t know.” I says sassily and I want to throw up.

I start walking away before Raj calls on me.

 

“I’m sorry about Alec. He was very..I miss him.” He says and his face actually twists with sadness and I feel sorry for the guy. At the same time I’m surprised that I’m actually missed by someone. But I have to keep my cool.

 

I give him a sad smirk. “I thought you two were breathing down each other’s necks 24/7. What happened?”

 

Raj scratched the back of his neck and somehow he seems almost nervous and a bit..angry? But it doesn’t look like the anger is directed at me, more towards himself.

“I just...it wasn’t like that. I wish I could’ve helped him during the battle.”

 

I raise my eyebrow at him. “Don’t you hate Alec?”   
  


His eyes widen and his face turns pinker than before. He gives me a sad smile and looks down at his shoes.” I wish I could.” He whispers but more to himself than to me. What..the..hell? Am I missing something or is this guys just plain out weird as fuck? He made it very clear before that he despises my existence. I guess he’s just saying this to me because he thinks this will earn him points from Gabriel or something. Too bad I’m not really him..

 

I nod. “We have a meeting to get to, let’s go.” I say and head towards the big assembly room that will soon be packed. A lot of people  are already on their way now and the halls are soon filled with downworlders and shadowhunters mixed together peacefully for the second time ever. First time being when we had to collaborate and fight off Valentine. I notice that a lot of downworlders throws me real nasty, dirty looks and some vampire bears their fangs my way. My stomach twists and I just want to get out of here and fly up in the air. You can say it’s internationally known how much Gabriel despises downworlders and he’s even killed some. I know I should throw them deadly ‘fuck off’ glares but I can’t bring myself to do it and instead I lower my head a bit and try to melt into the crowd, while avoiding everybody’s gazes. 

 

The room is packed with people standing all around a humongously huge table in the middle of the room where I am sitting, together with representatives of each clan. I resist the urge to fidget in my seat and bite my lip at all the gazes that are resting on me. I put my hand under the table, turning them into fists and start to focus on all the papers that are covering the table. Each consisting of everything a shadowhunter has done to a downworlder and vice versa as well as the terms each clan come with and so on. This will take hours and only the people sitting on the table are actually necessary to be present, the others around the table are here of free will. A silent brother comes forward and starts introducing the meeting and immediately everyone shuts up. Even though there are probably more than a hundred people in this room, it’s dead quiet. For some reason, both parties wanted a silent brother to introduce the meeting because if, for example, a shadowhunter would have done it, then it would seem like we’re trying to take the lead and make ourselves look more superior and vice versa with a downworlder. We all could come to terms with a silent brother doing it but it’s still kind of weird because they rarely talk.

 

He starts speaking and I can barely concentrate on his words because of all the angry stares I’m getting and I can’t help but bite my lip at the same time as I feel heat rush to my face. God, I don’t want to do this. I don’t want people to think I’m a monster. It’s now that I realise that I seriously don’t want this. I will be looked down upon amongst the downworlders and I’ll certainly be a target of hatred and I’m not Gabriel. He’s strong but I’m not sure I can take this..

 

“Representatives of the shadow world are the Herondales, the Lightwoods, The Branwells…” He calls out the most respected and powerful shadowhunter families that are sitting around the table and all heads are turned to us. If I thought I was receiving hatred before then this is something else entirely. The pure resentment I’m getting from the entire downworld is as visible as a bright candle in the darkness. Everybody’s looks are piercing through everything and landing solely on me and I clench fists tightly under the table and I gulp hopefully unnoticeably. I want to leave this room so badly and my nerves are already running a thousand miles out of here but I have to stay put.

 

The silent brothers presents the seelies and the vampires and Clary’s ridiculous looking best friend is amongst them because he’s a fledgling (of course Raphael Santiago is here as well and it’s very hard not to glare.) He moves on to the werewolfs and  Lucian Graymark is the pack leader and also Clary’s stepfather. 

 

When he announces the warlocks, I try very hard not to flinch when the silent brother announces their names.

“Catarina Loss, Tessa Gray, Magnus Bane….”

 

Thankfully the two warlock ladies are too busy drinking wine to meet my gaze but the male one...by the angel if I thought the others make me want to run out of here then the way this man is looking at me makes me want to hang myself from the roof and take my own life. He’s different from everyone else but I’m too focused on his eyes instead of paying attention to his flamboyant appearance. He’s looking at me with such hatred that I feel he’s going to attack me any second and I find myself reaching for my seraph blade with trembling hands only to realise that for the second time when I’m facing a warlock that wants to kill me, I have no weapons. It’s in the rules that no one is allowed to bring any kind of weapon, we disagreed first because we’ll be defenceless against magic, vampire teeths, a bunch werewolves and so on. In the end we agreed to it because apparently “according to history we’ve always been the one to attack first and the downworlders want this alliance as much as us”. 

 

The warlock, Magnus Bane, doesn’t let his gaze down and I’m pretty sure that with a flick of his finger, this institute would burn down because it looks like that might actually happen any minute now. The danger, the dominance, the hatred that’s radiating from him have me shaking. But I don’t understand? Magnus Bane is the warlock that held Clary’s memories. When they went to him, he helped them out. I never met him because, well, I didn’t want to get involved with any warlock business. I still don’t. Izzy told me he hates shadowhunters but he treated them well anyway. Then why is Magnus acting like this towards me? 

Gabriel..what have you done?!

 

**MPV**

* * *

 

“Just what are you doing?”

I lift one brow and continue to stroke Chairman Meow’s smooth fur as if it’s a precious diamond I need to keep safe. “What do you mean, my darling Catarina?”

 

Catarina puts a red nail polished finger on her blue cheek. “We have that meeting in 30 minutes. Shouldn’t you already be there?”

 

I hum before I lift up my tall, slim legs and stretch them out across the long couch, lying down in full body length by resting my feet on the armrest at the other side,clearly making myself comfortable in my new exquisite sofa.

 

I place my cat on my stomach, still petting him with the care of a mother caressing her child. “I’m the high warlock of Brooklyn dear, I go whenever I want, I leave whenever I feel like it and I demand whatever I please.”

 

“You know how important this alliance is and we both need to leave. Now.” Catarina walks to stand in front of me and for the first time this evening I lift my head up to look at her.

 

“Darling. Give me 5 minutes and I’ll slaughter each and one of them.”

 

Catarina goes around to stand behind me and starts massaging my broad, tightly clothed shoulders. “But then again, you aren’t a bloody murderer, Magnus.”

 

“True. But I can make an exception. Worst case scenario, they’ll try to kill us  _ today _ . Best case scenario, they’ll try to kill us tomorrow. There is no such thing as making an alliance with the nephilim because it never ends with them. My darling Catarina, do you really think that after this so called ‘alliance’ they’ll stop hating us and stop seeing us as abominations, who should be sent back to hell where we  _ apparently  _ belong and live there for the rest of eternity as monsters being tormented by hellfire? Their opinions won’t change and their actions won’t be any different. The way I see it, this ‘alliance’ is just a piece of paper that can be easily thrown away and ignored.”

 

Chairman purrs and rolls around on my stomach. “Then why are you going through with this? Tell me.” Cat asks with a hint of annoyance but also understanding in her voice.

 

I stop stroking the Chairman and when I remain quiet, Catarina walks around the couch to stand in front of me. “I’ll tell you why. It’s because you’re tired and you want peace. You’re tired of all the killing, the hating, the conflicts, the wars, the blood and the guilty conscious. This alliance will at least limit all that even if our bad reputation amongst the shadowhunters won’t cease but their actions will.  No more bloodshed.”

 

She leans in close to my ear and whispers. “And that’s why you need to get your glittery ass up, so when can attend this meeting.”

 

I blink before I swing my legs off the couch and carry the Chairman with me to the bedroom. “You don’t have to use that scary tone of yours.”

 

I place Chairman on my bed whereas I go to perfect my makeup. “So Chairman..since no one can stay with you and I’m certainly not going to leave you alone here for that long, you’ll have to come with me.” I cast a look at the cat but the animal is only ignoring me and is paying much more attention to its fur, continuously licking it. “Sometimes you hurt me Chairman Meow….”

 

I finish up and head downstairs cradling the cat with me. Cat only stares at me.

“What is it darling? Did you lose your breath at the sight of me? You do look a little..blue..” I wink.

 

Catarina eyes widen and she steps closer to me, her eyes blazing with anger. “Fuck, You.” She spits out.

 

I roll my eyes, “Oh, Catarina, do you know how many people want to do exactly that? Too bad not everyone gets the chance. If you want this ass then you gotta earn it, sorry.” I wink again.

 

She punches me in stomach and I bend over groaning in pain as air is momentarily knocked out of my airway. I gasp trying to gain back my normal breathing and Chairman jumps away from my arms. “You hit like a man!”

 

She gives me a fake smile. “I also kill like one. Not that there is a difference between men and women. Riiiight?” Her eyes drills into mine and I nod.

 

“Right!”

 

She nods satisfied. “I was looking at you because are you really attending this meeting dressed like that?”

 

I frown and look down at my super tight jeans matched with an equally as tight red pullover. “What do you mean? I look absolutely dashing. Let’s go”

 

I wave with my hand to create a portal that leads us to the god forsaken land of Idris.

 

“Are you bringing the furrball?!!” Cat exclaims in a disbelieving manner.

 

I only scowl at her. “Of course I am. I’m not going to leave him here.” He crouches down and calls on the cat. “Come here my darling Chairman, hurry up!” He says sweetly and captures him in his arms again.

 

\-------

 

We all sit around the great table where the half angels and the half demons will soon finally come to a truce. I look around at the nephilim faces spotting Clary with her red hair sticking out like always. Next to her, blonde boy is sitting looking as smug as ever. If I remember it correctly, I think his name is Jace. The Herondale boy. Then there is the lovely Isabelle with her unmistakable beauty and grace. I smile at her and she smiles back. 

 

“Oh. Look. Who. Is. Here.” Tessa hisses in my ear. I turn towards where she is looking and when I see him I clench my fists. Gabriel Lightwood. 

 

“I wish I can rip out his intestines…”Tessa hisses again and I giver her a fake smile.

 

“The alliance dear. Don’t forget the alliance.” I remind her.

 

“ Screw the alliance, I’m going to rip his-”

 

I put my hand in front of her mouth. “Easy darling, there are ears everywhere and trust me, I wish for nothing more than to re-decorate his pretty face.” I remove my hand. She rolls her eyes and stares at Gabriel with the deepests of angers, supported by multiple days and nights of crying. “I heard his twin died.”

 

I raise my brow. “Twin?”

 

She nods and takes a sip of the wine she brought with her. “Yup. Alec. White wings, black hair, blue eyes. Your type.”

 

I scowl at her. “I don’t go for nephilim. And when did he have time to die?” I ask.

 

“The Valentine war. So many died that they couldn’t do a ceremony for everyone.”

 

I grab the bottle from her and pour some for myself. “ I should congratulate this...Alec guy, for dying and escaping a life with his sick psychopathic twin but then again...I don’t sympathise with any of the nephilim. Except for a few, Clary and Isabelle. “ I take a sip letting the wine do its thing. After all, I’m going to need all lot of it for today. 

 

“What about golden boy?” She asks.

 

“The only reason why I haven’t turned him into a frog yet, is because he’s Clary’s boyfriend. Other than that, he annoys me to death but then again..I don’t have the ability to die so his talking ends up with me going through endless torture.” I give her another fake smile before taking another sip.

But then I pause. “Tessa darling? Do you know if any other shadowhunter has been born with white wings this generation?”

 

Tessa frowns and shakes her head. “No. The Lightwood twins are especially unique because one was born with black wings and the other white, that’s something that has never happened before. The last nephilim with white wings died 186 years ago.”  

 

“Is that so…” I mumble and stare into my glass. It was only 3 nights ago when I saw a shadowhunter with white wings. Maybe it was a weird flick of light? No..I’m certain, the wings were white. But if Alec was the only shadowhunter who was born with white wings this generation and he died one month ago, then who the hell did I meet the other day?

 

Tessa randomly rolls her eyes at me before she fixates her gaze on Gabriel again. “Enough of that let us focus on the matter at hand. The future head of the New York institute Gabriel Lightwood. Are we going to let this slide Magnus?”

 

I shake my before I press my lips to the glass and smile against the fragile surface. “You hurt me Tessa. Do you really think that low of me? Maybe we can’t kill him but  you do know that there are worse things than death right? I will make him suffer for what he did and he won’t see it coming.”

 

Gabriel turns his gaze towards me and my eyes drill into his, somehow conveying a message of what is to come. I lean forward and blaze my eyes into his. “He will pay for what he did. No one kills my best friend and gets away with it like it’s nothing.” I frown a little when I notice the boy trembling a bit but I’m not going to falter for his act of innocence because that’s exactly what it is; an act. 

 

I squeeze the glass between my fingers and squint my pupils, scanning him from top to toe while practically declaring war on him with my eyes. “I will avenge our friend. I will avenge Ragnor’s death and that’s a promise.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it:)


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